Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
