getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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