What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
