How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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