We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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