Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
