i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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