The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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