oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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