I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
