Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
