First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
