So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
