erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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