Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
