I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's always time for handjobs
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
