I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
