can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
