Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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