Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
