I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
