I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
