hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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