ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
