drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
