my phone needs a breathalizer
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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