Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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