I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
