Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
