Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
