You're a womanizer and a bitch.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
