She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Houston, we have a blender
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
