Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
