he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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