plz talk dirty to me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
