I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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