How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if only i could text you this smell
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
