in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
