i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
