Duck Duck Cougar?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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