I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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