Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
birth control should be required to get into college
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
how does that bad decision feel?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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