ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
