Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ttyl tear gas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
