A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
