Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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