Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
