This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The struggles of a small town man whore
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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