3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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