no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
