I just threw up on my dentist
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Life is so much better after having sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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