i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
