All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
A+ Viking dick
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
