There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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