the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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