My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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