hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
