# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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