Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
