The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
