people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
