she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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