I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
