just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a beard to bite.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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