So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
