my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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