i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
