i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
