if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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