you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
